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Sure, a lot of cans “nowadays” come with tabs to open them, but not ALL cans. Especially the cheapest brands on the shelf, which are my favorites. A person needs a can opener.
But too many can openers in this country are crusty with gunk, rusty with rust, and dusty with dust! Enough is enough. Invest a small fortune of $23 into this superior, smooth—so smooth—can opener. The Oxo Smooth Edge can opener is clunky yet curvy and a little phallic in the way everything is if you cross your eyes long enough.
Looking at life sideways is actually how the Oxo Smooth Edge can opener functions so expertly. You have to think sideways too. It took me awhile to figure out how to use it at my in-laws’ last year, but with enough practice and the encouraging words of Cath asking me “to show you one more time?”—I got there.
Instead of stabbing down into your can of Manwich and cranking into the manly, meaty mush below, it stabs the SIDE of the can’s lid and cuts neatly around it. Instead of teeter-totter-tilting a sharp-edged piece of metal out of the can with your fingers, now coated in sloppy joe guts, you can use the small clamp on the opener to remove the lid cleanly.
If you’re still curious (or confused), you can watch Paula—an Oxo superfan who won a contest to find out who is the biggest Oxo-holic—show how to use it in this YouTube video with a bow chicka wow wow soundtrack. Paula, I’m with you. It’s a great can opener.
Nota bene: Because the cutting mechanism never comes in contact with the can’s contents, you don’t even have to wash, rinse, or swipe it with a paper towel after use. Put it back into the junk drawer from whence it came until next time.
Your cans don’t know what’s coming: